Loss

The pain of losing someone we love is indescribable.
Loss isn't something one naturally understands or has empathy for.
Until loss is something we endure.

Last year today,
I experienced a heart wrenching loss.
Ironically unlike today,
I remember the weather being perfectly bright.
The suns rays shining thru the canopy of trees, blossoming with new life.

And then, just like that,
I received a small notification on a family chat group.
Just one small word,
Enough to let me know she was gone.

My beloved savta,
A woman who was a true queen,
Greatest teacher, both to her children and students.
 She was full of life and happiness.
I have fond memories of her always dancing,
Everything she did was with passion and love.
And a beat in her step.
Doesn't matter if it was her signature pasta dish she was creating or simply tidying up her home.
She had a energy that would fill you with joy, simply for being near her.

Last year today, she left this world.
My initial reaction was sadness and anger for my loss.
I didn't understand how all those prayers didn't help her recover from the cancer she so bravely fought for too long.

I didn't understand how one could just continue existing after a chunk of their heart is torn out from their chests??

And then as I stood there,
Amidst all of my family,
Waving savta off for one last time.
I realized I was being selfish,
Savta was no longer in pain, happily reunited with her parents, finally able to sit on her royal throne. Savta had gone home.

I stood there on the crowded street
Watching loss take over everyone I love,
Watching my aunts and uncles shout in pain, hurting for loosing their beloved mama. Their first love.

I knew they where hurting, but also knew they would be OK.
For mama's health they no longer had to pray.
Because now Savta was living a better role.
Watching and praying for her children,
Celebrating upon their every success.
Giving a happy dance each time we reach a new goal.
Savta, you I will forever miss.
I'm not sure if my heart will ever be whole
But I know you've got my back
Watching over me, praying for me, being proud of me. Protecting my lost soul.
 All while doing the same for us all. <3